On Marriage

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The most popular question I get asked often since last September is How is married life?.  I never quite know how to respond.  I usually end up saying something cheesy.  “It’s the same but better”, or “It’s everything I hoped”.  Neither of those really tell the person much of anything.  But really, how do you describe something that comes so naturally.  If you could describe it, wouldn’t that be more of a negative?

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Personally, when I married B, I didn’t think anything would really change.  Yes, we were going to combine our money, but we also both wanted to keep our own accounts.  We both work and we felt we should have access to our own money as well.  We were going to have to split household chores, but really we both already knew what we gravitated towards.  I am the cook, he tends to clean.  He does the laundry, while I tend to be the organizer.  We both fell into our roles quite nicely.

Now, on the other hand, I don’t want to butter this up to look like we never fight.  But there is a reality.  Everyone fights about one thing or another.  If you don’t fight, you have no passion.  Disagreements make relationships grow.  It proves that you have an opinion, and that you are your own person.  Every time we disagree, I feel we grow as a couple.  It causes us to work not only on ourselves, but on our relationship together.  I tend to be a little more easy going (some people call it lazy, I tend to disagree) while he tends to be more motivated and particular (I call it type A…) but because of that I think we really balance each other out.

Every relationship has strengths and weaknesses.  But when the strengths outweigh, you know you are in it for the long haul.  We have the same beliefs, and ideas about life.  We support each other in our dreams.  We are each others biggest cheerleaders, and when necessary (and asked for) each others critic.  Each day we learn more and more when it is the right time to say, “I don’t really think that is right” and when to just let things go.

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These thoughts were all really inspired by my friend’s bachelorette party last weekend.  We were out in OCMD, and she was wearing the typical bridal sash and was getting comments such as “don’t do it” and “congrats” or “RUN”.  One man came up and congratulated her and we asked him for advice since he said he had been married for 30 years. His response was space. We were slightly confused at first.  Space? But he explained it like this.  It is better to walk to opposite sides of the house when you are fighting and nothing is getting solved.  Take time to breath and talk it out.  Also, it is good to have guys/girls nights and spend time with your friends.  It nice to come home to each other and tell them stories about what you have done.  He told us that “absence really does make the heart grow fonder”.  It was so nice to hear coming from a man’s point of view.  And it was even nicer see the love that he and his wife shared after being married for 30 years.

So all in all, after my 10 months of being married (still so new), I have decided that the quested how is married life, is so personal.  It is amazing, always growing and changing, and mostly just our life, together.  As long as we are always there for each other, this ride should just keep getting better and better.

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